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Archive for the ‘Healing’ Category

I started writing a post a week or two ago and it has been sitting in the box for a while.  It was title “I really want to work on me… what about you?”  I started reading it again today – I figured it was time to move it out of the queue and then as I read it I realized I was using my writing as more of a bully pulpit than anything.  And I first shook my head at myself and then laughed at myself.  I know and maybe you have heard me say anytime you say “they” or “them” or even make reference to those types of pronouns – stop and take a good look at yourself or listen to yourself really closely it is most likely you are talking about yourself somehow or in some way.  I think I realized that my post was an attempt to put them down and make me feel better about myself.  And all the while trying to say that I am doing the real work and the “they” I was referring to were not.  Wow!  I amaze myself sometimes.  It can be so easy to pretend I am doing something when in reality it is only a facade.  I am well aware that things in my life, especially my thoughts, are not about “them” it is really how I feel about me.  The real work is right here – right now as I come face to face with myself, my thoughts, my reality, how I think and then how I try to understand the cause of the insecurity I feel in a particular area of my own life.  And then learning from that and growing from that learning so that as I understand myself better I can grow and be better.  And that’s what it is all about — just being a little better today than I was yesterday.  Finding more compassion for myself, for others.  Making allowance for more gentleness, more love, More….

Yes, I am grateful for this learning, I am grateful for being able to hear myself and for listening to myself when I write something and I know it’s unfinished and knowing there is something deeper that I need to find.

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Deutsch: Mutter Teresa (26.8.1919-5.9.1997); 1...

Mother Teresa of Calcutta (26.8.1919-5.9.1997);in 1986 in Bonn, Germany (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”  ―    Mother Teresa

I know when i was younger I was very idealistic – I guess I still am in many ways.  I have seen the impact one person can have on many, I have seen one persons ideas spread like a viral video on YouTube.  And I have seen and experienced the impact I can have just by doing one small thing each day with love.  Use love to your advantage, spread love, Be Love.

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I spent the first part of my day this morning talking about teeter-tottering through life and somehow we all need to find that balance point.  I reminded myself as I was discussing with my friend that it is up to each of us to find stability for ourself first.  If we are strong and stable alone we will be strong and stable with a partner.  It is up to each of us to be that for ourself, relying on someone else will not create stability for us.  We need to find those things, those feelings within ourself that create our own self esteem, our own self image.  I am troubled as I hear that one of my friends may be re-experiencing the same issues she had as a teenager, with eating disorders.  I feel sad for her and yet curious as to why now, at this age and when it seems things are so good in her life?  Yes, she has had some recent personal turmoil, but really, enough to create this urge to hurt herself more.  Generally, eating disorders are a challenge of self-image and self-esteem and I would think that an adult with so much in their life would have overcome many of these issues and yet it is true that these issues still plague some people.  Encouragement I guess is the way to help, being there to listen, or to provide some relief even temporarily at times.  All of us need to find that point of stability, moderation often is a practice that helps us find that point.

I just looked at the “categories” section of my back office and read “goals” — I guess also goals can be helpful in this situation like any other.  Knowing that you are intentionally creating something you want can help you find more balance and stay closer to your path as you progress.  I guess that lead me also to realize that even our goals need balance and moderation, along with the serious things we also need a little fun.  ALL THINGS in moderation.

I am so grateful for all my friends, my family, this life.

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I have spent a lot of time today listening to one of my friends unconsciously “bad-mouthing” another friend of hers in front of their child — it’s been a rough day.  Every time I want to say something about why is she still there and in that situation I stop myself and just say, “What I have to say I cannot say right now.”  I know that sometimes when I say things to people, in the moment, it doesn’t always come out the way I want it to.  Yet, listening to this type of thing just is soo difficult and changing the topic is not changing the situation, I have tried that also.  I know obviously, my friend is hurt deeply in some way and all I can do it seems is have some compassion for her and yet not feed the unconscious story.  This is the kind of situation that really makes me take a good look at myself – it makes me really pay attention to how I talk about others, myself and to others and myself.  I am grateful to be able to look beyond the words, feel peace in this situation, and know I can change myself.

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Today I just wanted to share this link from a fellow blogger — issuing us a challenge to help ourselves.  I am going to participate — change is part of what helps us enjoy life more and more!

Change Starts……Sunday.

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For a while, I spent most of my time in meditation and quiet consideration, it helped me immensely.  I was able to clear myself of the unwanted old habits, the old thoughts, and the old memories and then I learned to re-create my story and understand my life from a different perspective.  Now, today, I attempt to put into practice more and more what I have learned about myself and as I continue striving to be the best me possible, learning more and more each day as I interact with people, new faces and old faces.

They say practice makes perfect, well perfection always seems further away but loving myself and others more seems closer all the time.  I am grateful for my friends that push me more and more to be more gentle with myself and them, even though at times I still struggle with this.  We each have our journey and for me there is a need to practice allowing and less judging.  I find it supremely difficult at times to allow others to go off on their own, their own way.  I once had to learn that I couldn’t buy other people their happiness and no matter how much I want to help them I can only show them by my own example.   I thought I had thoroughly learned this lesson and apparently I have yet to learn more from it.  At one time, I actually paid for one of my friends to continue with her own learning at school, she gave up even though I took the financial burden from her she still felt overwhelmed.  I realized that we have to really want something in order to pursue it, and the moment someone allows “I can’t …” into their vocabulary then they won’t.

I guess while I am practicing you are too.  If I make what I think is a mistake it should be OK as long as I learn something from it.  If I didn’t get the lesson the first time – it will come back for me to experience and learn again.

Practice, practice, practice.  Practice giving of yourself.  Practice loving. Practice being.  Hone your own self and make yourself into the best you possible so you can be an example.  Everyone else is perfect in their own way.  There used to be this song I heard…. Everyone is Beautiful in their own way….The world’s gonna find a way.

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